Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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