I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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