Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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