I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
