If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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