Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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