you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
