I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
