I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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