Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
