my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
