i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
