cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
did i just pee glitter
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
soo... how was my night?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
