Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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