She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she told me i tasted like america
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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