There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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