I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
