im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
