i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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