what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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