put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
