I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
