Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
