if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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