The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
