Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
