I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
