I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
