from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
