So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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