sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
