I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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