i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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