just come out here and I will go home with you...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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