I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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