i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
