Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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