idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
