I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
