dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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