how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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