you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
