so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i believe in u and ur pee
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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