There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
