he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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