I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
