what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
