I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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