Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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