You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Farmville is her only friend.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
