Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
