Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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