U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
